Bonjour!

as my first blog i didn't really want it to be heavy but right now my life is just kinda heavy. i mean i just didn't think everything would go bad all at once. especially my boyfriend situation. that was like the only right thing.
after we broke up i realized that I've never really loved anyone like i loved him. i had actually loved him unconditionally. there was nothing he could do that would make me not want to be with him. he lied. he cheated. he hurt me in ways i didn't know i could hurt. yet i still love him. is that crazy?
to love someone past all that, to miss someone even though you know they're not whats best for you.
i guess that's what unconditional love is though. to love someone past all their wrongs, past their faults & flaws. . .to love someone even though they probably don't love you. sometimes i think I'm crazy for loving someone who after 8 months it turns out i probably don't even know the real them. but i love who i knew. i love who he was. even past all the bad i always see the good times. the times where we'd lay in bed and just be. the times where we'd laugh & talk & confide in one another the secrets we couldn't tell anyone else. the times where he'd hold me when i was hurt & tell me everything was going to be okay.
i just don't understand how one day someone could be your everything & the next day your nothing to them. the day i met him i fell in love. he was my world. i couldn't see myself with anyone else.
I've loved before but this. . .this was different. I've never done for anyone the way i did for him. I've never gave my last anything to anyone. but him he always always came first. i sacrificed & gave up so much for him.
i just never thought I'd love someone like this. i never thought when i did love someone like this it'd be taken for granted & i wouldn't be with that person.
i never knew the love i gave to others wasn't unconditional til i met him.
i don't know if I'll ever love someone like this again.
it sux when someone else can come in & ruin something beautiful & pure for someone else. . .cuz honestly now. . .my love is tainted.