today is finally my day.
as hard as it has been these past few months i've decided today is the day i let everything go.
last nite & today i've been extremely angry. i've never been this way ever & its not who i want to be.
i dont want anyone to control my emotions but me & i've been allowing someone else to have contorl for entirely too long.
i am no longer going to dwell on the fact that someone wronged me, or the fact that i allowed them to tear my life apart from one end to the other.
i'm not going to concern myself with the fact that no matter how hard i try i can not rid myself of the love i have for this person. no matter how much hate grows for them at the same time in the heart in the same breathe that i say i love him i hate him.
but today that is not where i am anymore.
why think about the past when i have such a bright future staring me in the face.
if im all caught up with what happened then i will never be able to experience whats going on now!
i feel like that Danity Kane song "poetry"
its a lyric that says "i missed you til you almost took my sanity"
fuck almost my sanity was gone. but its back now lol.
& i am soo happy.
as im sitting here writing this it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.
like i feel good right now & i am completely sober lol.
i feel like my smiles are finally genuine.
i never want anyone to like be able to steal my joy from me ever again!
me & my friends have made a decision that we will never speak of this person again lol.
if we run into one another on the streets nigga look the other way cause ima definately be avoiding you!
this is a memory i never want to return to!
im on some Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind type shit.
if youve never seen the movie you need to! asap!
cuz im sure its some people out there you just wish you could never remember again!
just wake up & they never exsisted in your world.
too bad life will never be so perfect. . .
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2 comments:
There's a scene at the end of "Diary of A Mad Black Woman" that you should really check out. Kimberly Elise brings Cicely Tyson into the room with Madea and they spoke some true words on life & loving.
Realest Shit I've Ever Heard.
THE REBIRTH. I'm really happy that you're starting over new. You've always been a strong person ryan. and look at you now... Discovered by a modeling agency! AND GOT YOUR NEW JOB!~* LoL im so excited for you. sometimes it takes a little downfall to create a change in our mindsets... so we can get it together and learn how to stand on our two feet again*
"I believe that everything happens for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ The words of Marilyn Monroe.
so i think losing **he who shall not be named** was the best thing you could have done for yourself. :)
I love you for that email though! LoL we are headed straight for the top. you can bet your money on it ms ryan. ;)
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